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I'm getting pretty scared and worried right now...

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#1 metalhead


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Posted 17 May 2014 - 09:38 PM

So, my mom is having some serious problems with her. Being a type two diabetic and can't walk much doesn't help, either. Also being run over the shoulder by a 75 Impala back in 1998 has pretty much messed her back up. She hasn't been able to walk very far without the aid of her wheel chair. Now, she's telling my that her kidneys are failing. She's talking about death like it's casual conversation. Going over her funeral plans just as casually as if I were talking to a friend on facebook. I fear that I might not have my mom much longer and honestly, I wouldn't know what to do without her. She is the glue that's holding my life together right now.

I'm scared that I might wake up one day and find her lifeless and I'm fighting back tears every time I think about it. I know this isn't really the place to be talking about this kind of stuff, but it makes me feel better getting it out.

#2 bbowser


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Posted 18 May 2014 - 12:39 AM

Sorry to hear of her issues, if letting it out helps then go for it.  Be thankful you've got a mom that's not afraid, she sounds like quite a person!

#3 disabled modeler

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Posted 18 May 2014 - 02:22 AM

Ryan...Sorry to hear this...chat anytime if you need to.  My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

#4 James2


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Posted 18 May 2014 - 02:37 AM

She sounds like a strong women, and has been preparing you for this. These things happen to all of us eventually. You should be strong for her sake.

No offence intended but, Scared and worried for who? Yourself or your Mother?  Seems to me she is trying to comfort you, and will continue to do so for the rest of your life. She will always be part of you. I can't hardly tie my shoe without thing of my Dad, rest his soul.

You will be fine, "Truth heals, it just takes time..."


Prayers and thoughts

#5 1930fordpickup


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Posted 18 May 2014 - 05:12 AM

Enjoy the time you have left with her. When my mom passed I got a call at 5 in the morning to get to the hospital . We did not have a chance to say so long , still have guilt for not seeing her that week before she passed.

When my good friends lost their son to MD a month back , (they were devastated and still are) they had no idea what to do next.

 Your mother is helping you in a big way by going over the funeral plans now. You will not second guess what she would have wanted because she has talked with you about it. Now you will not second guess what she wanted and you will know were all the important papers and such are that you will need. She is being very strong for you right now. Write things down for yourself when she is talking about it . 

#6 charlie8575


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Posted 18 May 2014 - 06:14 AM

Be thankful. As odd as it might sound, I'm quite serious.


Your mother, as difficult as it might be for her to speak about, and you to listen to, is saving you a huge amount of headache in the short and long-run.


I can't even get my parents to have any serious conversations about anything like this, and as they get older, I start to wonder what will or won't happen when the time comes. My mother isn't in much better health than yours, and she categorically will not discuss anything, nor will my father, and neither of them will put anything in writing, so between the two of them, whichever one goes first is leaving the other with a nightmare, and when they're both gone, I'll be in a real bind. 


These conversations are difficult and can be contentious, but they need to happen.


I offer these suggestions.


1. As Andy said, get everything written down as to her wishes.

2. Determine if pre-need arrangements have been made.

3. Have a medical proxy, homestead declaration and living will ready to go. Most lawyers will do these for free or very, very inexpensively (generally no more than about $15-20 in this area.)

4. If the probate courts in Alabama are as much of a mess as they are here, make absolutely certain a will is present, or you could end up losing anything of value, including family heirlooms, photos, cash/stock/commodity accounts, and any real estate. A simple will is usually $100-200, plus probate filing fees, which vary from state to state. But it's money very well spent.

5. Make sure you know where all the accounts, holdings, etc. are.


Beyond that, it's okay to be scared for yourself, her, or both of you. It's human nature to be concerned. But, don't let that worry monopolize your mind or take away from whatever time might be left. Enjoy it as much as possible. She'll be more at peace, and so will you.


Hang in there. We're all behind you.


Charlie Larkin

#7 Ace-Garageguy


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Posted 18 May 2014 - 06:49 AM

I'm sorry for what you're having to go through, but try to remember that death is a natural part of life, and comes to us all. I know it may seem frightening and cruel, but that's the way it is.


I wish you calm and peace and strength. And listen to Charlie's very good and practical advice.

#8 Harry P.

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Posted 18 May 2014 - 07:33 AM

The first thing you have to wrap your ahead around is the fact that everyone will die, your mom included. Like Bill said, that may sound cruel and cold, but it's reality and there's no avoiding it. And when it happens, there's no way you're going to be able to put aside your feelings or "tough it out" somehow. Losing a loved one hurts and there's no way around it. I lost my mom in 2006 and my dad a year later. It was hard at the time, and when you're right in the middle of the process it seems hard to believe that you'll ever feel "normal" again... but I guarantee you will. It's an old cliché but in this case it's 100% true: time heals all wounds.


Don't be freaked out by the fact that you're freaked out. It's completely natural to be. Death is inevitable, but it's normal to feel uneasy about it, especially when a family member is involved.

#9 plowboy


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Posted 19 May 2014 - 05:22 AM

Your mother sounds like a strong woman Ryan. My advise to you is to be strong for her. At least in her presence. More than likely, she spends more time worrying over the effect her death will have on you and your family than death itself. Listen to her and follow her instructions. I think that's the best thing you can do for her.

#10 2many


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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:01 AM

she will be in my prayers  and whole family  don't forget to bend a knee your self and put in the Lords hands . clay