A pirate walks into a bar, sits down and says "Give me a mug of rum!" The bartender gives him the mug and says " I hope you don't mind me asking, but I notice you have a hook on your hand. How did that happen?" The pirate says "Aaar, I dropped me sword in the water and when I went to get it a shark took me hand off at the wrist. That's how I got me hook! I'm all used to it now, everythings OK, give me another mug of rum!"
The bartender gives him the mug and says "I notice you have a peg leg, how did that happen?" The pirate says "Aaar, I was standing out on me deck during battle and a cannonball took me leg off from the knee down. That's how I got me peg leg! I'm all used to it now, everythings OK, give me another mug of rum!"
The bartender gives him the mug and says "I notice you have a patch on your eye. How did that happen?" The pirate says "Aaar, one day I was looking out me porthole and a seagull crapped in me eye!" The bartender says " I never heard of a seagull crapping in someone's eye and taking their eye out!" The pirate says "Aaar, that was before I was used to me hook!!"