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I had a reality check. Leaving the hobby.


DaveM

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I have been building model cars since about third grade or so.  (Maybe a year or two earlier if you count the snap kit of Snoopy's Bugatti.)  That's roughly 44 years of hacking plastic.  I used to enjoy the hobby, and I had big plans for every kit I purchased.  Now, those kits are piled up in storage units, tying up the upstairs bedroom and inspiring more headaches than dreams.  Life changes as we go through it, and so must our pursuits.  The 24 hour build was a wake up call for me.  I take care of a relative 24/7, so I knew there would be some challenges to do the build.  I am currently unable to leave the living room for more than a few moments at a time.  I used a bed alarm and a voice monitor to try slipping up to the paint booth, (Upstairs, vented out of an unused bathroom window)  but her dementia is getting too severe to allow me to do tasks in other parts of the house anymore.  ( can only take a shower when there is an aide watching over her.)   I have only completed two models in the three years since I moved over here.  My house is shut down for now, and will probably end up getting sold.  It's clear that I can't do a lot to currently build models.  I was going to buy a Pace paint booth to make things a bit more efficient, but there's no use in spending that kind of money for something I won't get to use.  The real problem is that I don't see building models in my future either. Even after I am done caring for my Mother, I will have to handle an estate involving 5 storage units, three houses, huge garages packed from floor to ceiling and a year's worth of work.  Then I will have to jump right back into the working world full time (or beyond) and stay there well past 70 to make up for lost time.  With my health issues, my plan is to work right up until I drop.  I don't see enough free time to build even a small fraction of my stash.   There are to many other things (people) that are much more important to me than plastic models.

The other problem I have is that somewhere along the way, I stopped enjoying it.  The stresses of building now heavily outweigh the pleasures.  I still dream of building a cool model, and I like planning builds, but my reality is stalled projects,  botch ups that require more fixing than I am willing to tackle, and a whole slew of half started projects.  Most of the last year was spent cleaning parts, gluing engines and parts with seams together and mocking things up on several kits.  Each kit stalled when it got to the point of needing primer or paint.  I haven't shot actual colors, or run the airbrush in almost  two years.  The primer has been mostly shot on the back patio from a spray can.  I was thinking of doing a bunch of priming and painting this Summer, and sitting by the fireplace assembling and foiling during the Winter, but even that is a pipe dream at this point.  Also, my eyesight is a problem.  (My eyes are actually quite healthy, but I have that middle aged focus thing where bifocals don't quite have the right range and even though I can work on my models, it leaves me with quite a bit of eyestrain after a few hours.)  and my fine motor skills aren't what they used to be.  My hands shake a little bit, and I tend to drop more photo etched parts than I hang on to these days.  

I will be selling off all of my sealed kits this year, as well as all of my complete unstarted kits.  Most of the builders and parts kits will be sold, tossed out or given away. I will also be getting rid of my spray gear, detailing supplies, resin and tools..  I will hang onto my Tamiya rattle can lacquers.  If I get a nice day in the Summer at the same time as an aide is working with my Mother, I can jump out to the back yard and spray a few parts.  I might still complete a model or two on my terms, but I will keep it low key and simple.  I will only work on things that I am enjoying.  I am hanging onto a small pile of started kits and partial builds, plus a couple of pet projects just to play with in my spare time if I choose to.  If I don;t feel like working on them, I don't have to.  Any building I do in the future will be strictly recreational and just for fun.

I have enjoyed my times on this board, and I greatly valued the input and opinions of many of the modelers here.  (Even when we disagreed, or had spirited debates, I never let it get too personal)  It really hurts to give up the hobby I have enjoyed for most of my life, but the last few years have not been very productive anyways.  I will still stick around the board here. I will still post comments on your models when I see something that knocks my socks off.  (Which is quite often around here)  I might even stick a picture of one of my models up if I actually get something finished,  (It might be easier to finish a model after I sell off my three shoeboxes of detailing materials!)  This has been a great hobby, but it doesn't fit into my life any more.  I am at that stage of life where simplification is the most important thing to me.  

I will see all of you around, I may be gone for a little while, as this decision and the plans to sell out have been kind of an emotional shock, but I will keep an eye out over here. I will still post a bit, but I won't be actively building serious models any more.  Thanks to all of you, and  I hope all of you builds fit together perfectly,  all of your paint jobs are dust free, and the manufacturers make that kit you have been hoping for.  

Goodt luck, and it's been a pleasure chatting with you all on this board.

 

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Sorry to hear that, life can and will take over when it wants to and it's something we can't control. I am having a few issues of my own right now but I always keep my faith in God that He will change things for the better. I always believe that positive thinking and faith in the Lord always gets people through a lot of things and this is what keeps me going also. Don't let these situations get you down, things sometimes work out for the better at the end. Sorry about your mom, it's always priority and I respect that.

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Fully understand your situation Dave and can appreciate the way you have analyzed it. It seems you have more than a full plate and instead of getting a bigger plate, you have figured out how to manage what you have.

Glad you won't leave the hobby entirely, I'd hate for that to happen. I hope you can get some building done and find some happiness along the way.

 

Take care.

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So sorry to hear all this. Stay strong and good luck with all you have to deal with.

X2.

Just a thought...I've found that this hobby and the many models and supplies are like the best of all possible friends in some ways.

They'll wait indefinitely for you to deal with what you have to deal with, they don't get impatient or demanding, and when you have time for them again, their presence in your life is as rewarding as it ever was...on whatever level you prefer to enjoy them.

Edited by Ace-Garageguy
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My father has dementia as well so I feel your pain.  His mom had it too but passed of an aortic aneurysm when she was 72.  Dad turns 79 next month.  He's had the onset before my mom passed unexpectedly of a stroke almost seen years ago but it went South big time last year.  He was living on his own with an aide coming in three times a week but we had two walk away moments in one day so his living independently was over immediately.  I moved him into a nursing home which started out great but their quality of care went from very good to deplorable in about nine months so I had to move him (which you do NOT want to do with a person with dementia!) He's been there coming up on two months and he's had tremendous improvement.  He'll never be able to live on his own again but I know he's safe.  I'm an only child but I do have a wife and a teenage son who have been helpful more than words can ever convey.  

You can put them away for a while but don't sell off your kits.  They are a great escape from the stress of dealing with the day to day life of watching a family member's decline.  Go grab a snap kit....something that won't take days/weeks to complete.....it's kept me out of the local bell tower with a high powered rifle!

 

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X2.

Just a thought...I've found that this hobby and the many models and supplies are like the best of all possible friends in some ways.

They'll wait indefinitely for you to deal with what you have to deal with, they don't get impatient or demanding, and when you have time for them again, their presence in your life is as rewarding as it ever was...on whatever level you prefer to enjoy them.

I've noticed this, too.

I wouldn't sell all, Dave, and it sounds like you're not, which is good, although it's not always bad to downsize a little, either, or re-orient your collection to fit interests and needs. As difficult as caring for someone with memory issues is, you need to take care of yourself, too. 

Right now, we're dealing with the inevitable coming with my grandmother- her mind is okay, but that's about all that is. At 104, that she has done as well as she has is utterly amazing to me, and everyone else that knows her. 

Hang in there, and you always have us to talk to for any reason.

Charlie Larkin

Edited by charlie8575
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Sorry to hear about your situation.....it makes life difficult for sure. I also have had family losses, but I kept the models. Sometimes didn't touch them for years, but they were there. At some point,  I thought that I was ready to get back to building. Luckily my stash was sitting there waiting for me to get back to building. Now my models are more important than ever. Good luck with your situation. You have a lot of people behind you that understand.

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Very encouraging words Marcos. I am very sorry and sad about your mother and situation. Try to hang on to as many models as you can. Things and times change. I have had MS since i was 26 and lost the woman I was to engaged to. I am 50 still fighting and been married 22 years. Look up God knows how you feel. With out God i have no idea where i would be today. 

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Dave, I read your post last evening and have been thinking about you all night.  First and best advise, never make a major decision when you are under major stress.  I am a survivor of being in charge of the care of four elders who suffered long illnesses.  My father lived with me while dying of cancer, leaving behind my mother who suffered from early onset Alzheimer's for 10 years.  Once they passed we got no break,  my in laws fell ill, my mother in law with Alzheimer's and my father in law from diabetes, losing both his legs and being bedridden for 8 years.  This is all behind us now, and left us with the feeling that we did the very best to see our parents through their illnesses and deaths in a dignified and loving way.  I don't know how we got through it, but we did. 

There are many resources and options for you in your situation. At these times we become stressed and tunnel visioned, and continue what we are doing that is causing us health damaging stress. I can tell you the resources we used, the decisions we made and how we got through.  I can say that model building helped me through situations in my life.  It doesn't have to be long bench sessions that lead to finishing a model.  I found spending a half hour whittling on a part, or even just viewing the contents of a kit, to be meditation quality relief from my stress.  Looking through a box and dreaming about how you will build a model, is participating in the hobby and is fun.  Sometimes I just sit at my bench and open my unfinished project boxes one at a time.  And when I have a spare minute, I check out the boards and catch up on what others are building, and the friendships we have formed.  Don't lose that!  

 I don't have your email address or I would have sent you a long one!  Please do drop me a note at modlcitizn@aol.com.  We can talk on the phone if you'd like!

 

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Dave, while I don't know exactly what pain you are going through with constantly having to care for your mother 24/7, I do know how the pain of life and just life in general can get in the way of what is supposed to be a relaxing hobby and how sometimes a complex project even turns the "relaxing" hobby into something that sometimes feels like a job itself and life getting in the way makes that feel even worse. My life in general took a very bad turn in Dec 2011 and through life, work and more life getting in the way, my entire collection had to be moved to storage and most of it has been there since then, and life has been a roller coaster for these past 4 years, but it slowly on an uphill climb again, and a couple times on that roller coaster was about to push me to make the decision you are contemplating, but I never did. Through those years on the roller coaster, I did take a little time to do some simple projects, a few diecast kits and a few simple snap kits, but stayed away from the complex builds. Now that the roller coaster is finally leveling out, I'm getting back to a build that has been stalled since the roller coaster began, and that is with working a full time job as a truck driver 6 days a week and 2 days off, and sometimes working up to 14 hours a day and only having 10 hours off before starting another 14 hour day. Yes, many of the days I'm working I either get home and am not in the mood to go to the bench or just too tired to, and every once in while have to spend a night or two away from home in my truck, but there is some spare time. Life does have the way of getting in the way, but sometimes as I have found out through everything I have been through, life will get in the way of the hobby and that's OK, but sometimes you just need to tell life "I NEED A BREAK!" and the hobby will be there patiently waiting. I know my chair at the bench looks at me quite often as if to say "You need to relax, sit down and work on something" and sometimes there just isn't time, but when there is and I sit down, my chair embraces me as if to say "I've missed you, relax and let the troubles escape your mind for a little while." 

As a few others have said, don't make any hasty decisions. You have tough times ahead, but life will eventually smooth out, and you'll start finding the time for the hobby again.

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Dave, don't forget that we are all here for you if you need to talk. Some great folks on this site.

Xs 2 Dave....I have been through a lot myself and still do everyday.  Hang in there.  I have had days when I wondered why or how I can continue to build,etc....In my case what else am I going to do plus its all I know and a passion I have had since a kid...I am too old to change now.  There are lots of people here to talk with if you feel the need Dave.

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I highly recommend talking to an estate planner and/or attorney now.  There are going to be issues with an estate and it is better to know what can be done now to make the process easier.  They can advise you to perhaps set up a trust and start liquidating assets versus waiting.  I wish you all the best in this very stressful situation.

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Thanks for the words of support everybody.  Stuff like this sure matters a lot more than a few rivets!  You are all a great group and the support and messages are appreciated.  This situation has been brewing for a couple of years, and I should have responded sooner and more gracefully, but I tend to wait until crunch time before doing anything about the problem.  The important thing is taking care of my Mother, and keeping her as healthy as possible for the longest time possible.  I have not let that slip, but my hobbies have had to go by the wayside for a few years.  

I won't sell off every last kit.  I am starting by getting rid of all of the sealed kits that I don't really think I will ever use.  I don't need five of any kit, even if they were molded in different colors.  None of my satisfaction in this hobby comes from collecting.  (I have stamps and fountain pens for that)  I strictly see myself as a builder, so if I'm not going to build it, it goes.  At the rate I can get things done around here, that will take a long time!  I will probably let my girlfriend's Daughter and Son in law ebay those for me, as they like the wheeling and dealing involved.  He has the keys to my storage units, as he has some stuff stored there, so he is already piling some boxes up to open up and go through.  I can do a lot of the listing and packing, but I can't drive to the post office, or pick them up at the storage unit.  

I will probably sell off all but a few sealed kits, as any kits I was really interested in were opened up before leaving the parking lot at the hobby store.  (Hey! These are toys, and I'm just a big, old grey haired kid, Right?)  I still have enough opened, started and cannibalized kits to keep me going for a lifetime.  I will even sell a lot of them, but I will keep a couple dozen of the personal favorites and my pet projects.  That will keep me going for a long time, and I can always use the money to buy a kit off of the 'bay if I really have to have one.  I'll save enough in storage to afford almost any individual kit I want.  (I think somebody mentioned selling off most of his kits and using the 'net as a stash, and it makes some sense in my situation.)   I may not get rid of everything, but I sure will simplify my life a lot.  The less complication in my life, the more of a chance I have of finishing a task.  If that task is a simple model, that's even better.  Right now, I spend so much time moving my kits, trying to find the one I want and  paying storage bills, that I don't have any hobby time left over.  I would like to get my extraneous things straightened up well before I have to handle worsening health problems (For either of us) or her estate.  

We already have made most of the estate plans, and updated the wills and trusts about a year ago, so we are pretty good there.  We used a good lawyer and kept things fairly simple.  I don't anticipate any legal problems.  The big headache with the estate is the amount of physical stuff to deal with.  We still have the packed up households belonging to Grandparents and Uncles that haven't been disposed of, and all of my Father's stuff is still in the garages.  There is an unbelievable amount of stuff to deal with.  I am already starting to empty out my Mother's basement (Hurried along slightly by a small flood at one end last year)  I came from a long line of pack rats!  The problem is, I am not just an only child, but I was the only grandchild on both sides of my family!  (I was spoiled as a kid, but I'm paying for it now!)  I am the last of this line of pack rats.  All of the junk stopped here!  It will take a whole summer of really hard work to get all of the properties empty and sold off.  There is some decent value in the stuff, but probably not enough to make up what we have payed for storage over the last decade or two.

I will be back on the board on a more regular basis.  I just needed a few days to deal with a couple of issues and decompress a little bit.  I probably won't do any building for a few months, but I am going through stacks of kits and checking a bunch of opened kits to see if they are complete, or what they are missing, and I have been tempted to hold body parts and wheels up next to each other and imagine a bit.  I guess the fire still burns in me a bit.  (Although at my age, that probably means I need a Prevacid doesn't it?)

 

Take care all, and thanks again for the support.  

Again, thanks for all of your support and I'll be in touch.  

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