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Lost my father tonight


HomerS

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My 80 year old father lost his battle against Dementia tonight.  The last two year he has been in a nursing home as the disease robbed him of his self sufficient independence.  My mom past Memorial Day weekend eight years ago of a stroke.

WARNING....Two rants forthcoming so feel free to bail out now!

1) Dad spent 7.5 year in the Air Force including deployment to Germany during the construction of the Berlin Wall.  Dad didn't qualify for many VA benefits as he went in four months too late to qualify for benefits under Korea and got out six months too early (starting his family) to qualify under Vietnam.  Not to diminish those who served in those conflicts (!) but the VA doesn't consider his deployment as hostile so he doesn't qualify many benefits including the local VA nursing home

2) This one was the final insult!  I reached out to Dad's brothers (who all live local) that the end was near and they needed to come say their goodbyes.  Not only did NONE of them show up, one of them replied back with an invite to HIS second wedding in a month.  Really?  Isn't that kind of a Kardashian moment thinking of himself??

Thank you Dad.....and thank you for your service 

 

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Really sorry to hear about your Dad. Even though he isn't suffering any more it is hard on the people left behind who loved him.

 

Re the VA. I have had the same experience as your Dad. I served in the Navy from 77-83. Totally peacetime, no service related injuries. As far as the VA is concerned I pretty much don't qualify for any medical. If I was totally destitute I might, but given the VA's history the last few years I am not sure I would even want to use them. I do qualify for free burial though. Nice, don't care about the living, but hey, we'll bury you once you are dead.

Russ

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I am very sorry to hear this Jeff...my thoughts and prayers are with you.  I understand how some people can act or be but cant understand why..???  Its their loss and they have to live with it.  You showed him and them you had class and respect.  He is in a better place now with nothing to have to fight..I am sure hie will be always grateful and watch over you.  Hang in there Jeff. 

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So sorry to hear about your dad's passing!  My mother and my mother in law both suffered from Altzheimers and it was quite a chore to take care of them. You can be proud that you stood by your father until the end.  Don't be so hard on the brothers.  Many people cannot deal with seeing anyone in that condition. I know that we contacted relatives, some who were honest and said they couldn't bear to see their loved one that way.  

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I'm sorry for your loss brother. I'm sure you've found some peace knowing his suffering is over. My dad passed from cancer. It was tough, so hang in there and don't lose yourself in the grieving process. 

Not trying to make this about me, just adding that my dad saw combat in WWll and the Korean war. The VA doc declared him cancer free and said he only needed once a year ck-ups. He was dead in less than 6 months. 

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Sorry for your loss and even more sorry to hear about your family issues. For some, avoiding situations like the death of a sibling can be hard while others can be self centered and uncaring. Take solace in the fact that you were there for your dad and made an effort to have his family say their goodbyes.

I lost my father to dementia 3 years ago and it was hard to see a once proud, strong, smart man reduced to a shell of his former self. I saw him about 6 weeks before he passed and while he kinda recognized me, I had a hard time seeing him like that. My mother passed last year from a series of strokes and that was harder to see as she had been doing well after losing my dad before they hit. 

I know that the VA is a BLAH_BLAH_BLAH_BLAH shoot, have family and friends who have had dealings with them and it has been work for all of them.

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Thank you to everyone who read my rants and the kind words.  I know we all gotta go through it but it doesn't make any easier at that time.  

While I'm meeting with my Pastor to finalize things, the offending brother sent a text 1) calling me 'dear nephew' which he has NEVER done, always by name and 2) sent an apology with the sincerity of a $0.99 greeting card for 'whatever I did wrong or to upset up'.  Really?  I texted him and said I wasn't mad, just disappointed in all of them for not stepping up when they needed to.  They are the ones that have to live with their decision.  As for the Kim K moment, he admitted he didn't think before he sent it.  It was civil at the funeral home as we just talked about the video of the pics my oldest was able to find of Dad growing up through the years.  The fiancee never did approach me or the wife to express condolences so needless to say....I won't be attending the wedding.

One last rant.  Because there are so few young people playing an instrument anymore, for TAPS, it's acceptable to have a prerecorded version play through a device in the trumpet itself.  It had the quality of AM radio.  Sad...just....sad.  My Pastor offered as she plays the trumpet and had I known they would do this, I would have accepted her offer.

Watching the two guards fold the flag is such an art.  I probably broke protocol but I thanked both of them and shoot their hands before dad was pulled from the hearse.

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