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Anyone have this problem?


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This is about going out of your way to help someone and getting no response in return. I was cussed out by another member (now banned) once upon a time for whining on this subject, but what's your experience?

This has happened 3-4 times to me on this forum. I have sent instructions, rare body parts and reference CDs around the world, at no charge, to members who never bothered to thank me. I was approached over a month ago in a PM for information about building the 1:16 Mercedes SS. I corresponded with him to assess his needs.

- I have massive reference on the 1:1 car and models, and spent about an hour transferring my files onto 2 CDs.

- I drove to the post office and spent about 30 minutes in line, plus $13.00 in postage, to send the CDs to the UK, at no charge to him.

- I sent him the customs number.

- I have asked him 3 times over the past several weeks if he has received the package, with no response.

I've about given up on helping others with my large resources. What would you do?

Edited by sjordan2
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Well, as far as people not responding, that's just frustrating...but, not much you can do about that.

 

However, maybe in the future you can try this;

Instead of mailing the files on disks, if you're able (you'll need decent Internet speed to upload all the files), put them in a shared cloud drive...Google Drive, Dropbox, One Drive, etc...they all have a way to share files with others. Tell them you'll leave them there for however long you agree on, give them time to download\save what they want to their computer, then clear them out. That way, while you're still out your time, at least you're not out any money.

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Yes, both of you have excellent points and I have done that successfully before. In some cases, however, the recipient is not computer-savvy enough to figure out how to download or their system can't handle it, so I just send them what they can deal with. And things like lengthy instruction sheets and kit parts can't be handled that way. But more than anything, it's the lack of recognition of my efforts that bothers me.

You would think that sending the upper body of a 1:8 XK-E to the Netherlands, expensively but free of charge, would be worthy of thanks, but no. I have never charged anyone for any of this stuff.

Edited by sjordan2
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I cannot relate this to models (yet) but similar situations have happened to me. First off you have to go in wanting to help and that is all, do it for yourself. If the other person shows a lack of respect or appreciation then you just do not help them in the future. You can't let bad instances change who you are or how you do things. For every person that just doesn't get it, there are 100 who are genuinely thankful for your help.

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I had someone contact me through this forum asking for some resin parts I had cast for a project I was working on. 

I told him I was not in the business of making parts but after he insisted for some time I finally capitulated, agreed on a price and spent a couple weeks making the parts.

What a surprise, another resin oriented flake out.  The guy could not get the money for one (lame sounding) reason after another.  After a month or more of excuses he just stopped communicating. \

We aren't talking a lot of money, it's the time and effort that was the main loss. 

So the next guy that asks me for a similar favor will most likely get a resounding NO from me.

What is it with resin that brings the flakes and cheats out?

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Had a guy on the HAMB request a fairly rare full-size car part shipped to him, I agreed to ship it "almost COD" if he paid the shipping up front.... I went to the hassle of packing the part (a grille) as securely as possible, took it to UPS and never saw hide nor hair after that.... no sign of the offender after that on the HAMB, either.... so I laid it all out on that forum. The best way to end shenanigans like these is to publicly shame the offender, if they're inclined to ask for the moon and stars and respond with zilch.

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I cannot relate this to models (yet) but similar situations have happened to me. First off you have to go in wanting to help and that is all, do it for yourself. If the other person shows a lack of respect or appreciation then you just do not help them in the future. You can't let bad instances change who you are or how you do things. For every person that just doesn't get it, there are 100 who are genuinely thankful for your help.

you said it all perfectly. I have done a lot of things for others out of the goodness of my heart and never even a simple thank you. Has not changed me as I will go out of my way again and again because that is who I am.  Thanks.   Jeff 

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I don't let it bother me if i do something for someone and don't get a reply in return but that's my way of looking at it. I believe in the  reap what you sow. I once myself forgot to thank someone but only due to the holidays and I felt bad. 

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I've had pretty good luck with members that I've dealt with on this forum.

The ones that I'm a little leery about dealing with are people who just show up out of the blue looking for something.

Once they get what they need, they kind of disappear until the next time they want something.

All of the people I've dealt with here are "regulars" & you kind of get that "I know where you live" attitude with each other & tend to acknowledge each others efforts a bit more.

 

Steve

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I agree with Steve.  I will slice the shrink wrap off a new kit to give someone I know a part they need to finish a project!  No charge, no anything expected in return.  "Thank you" in an email acknowledging receipt would be great.   As said, there have been guys I don't know with low post counts who ask for parts and you never hear from them again.  

Years ago a friend of mine got a new digital camera.  This was before they were commonplace, so not a lot of folks could post photos. He put it out on a board for free, mentioning that he'd like to see more pictures on the board.  Some guy we never heard of swooped in first and claimed it.  My friend shipped it never to hear from this guy again. There was another guy who was on several boards asking for parts very often.  Someone outed him that he was completing kits so he could sell them on eBay, taking advantage of people's good nature.  

But you do reap what you sow. I try to be a good hobby citizen and do right by people. In return guys on the board sometimes just send me things they think I'd enjoy.  And that's just nice!

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I have a cold black heart. I take, take, take, with never a thought for anyone else. I am the center of the universe, and I never do anything for anyone, but I expect everyone to do things for me constantly. I will never say "thank you" because it's a hassle and I wouldn't mean it, so why bother? Just to make you feel good? I don't think so. Besides, I'm so special that people should feel grateful for being allowed to give their time, effort and money to me anyway. I also take credit for other people's ideas and work whenever I can. If anyone trusts me, I screw them, because they should learn it's stupid to trust people. I never worry about getting screwed, because it's impossible for it ever to happen to me.

Edited by Ace-Garageguy
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Being in the service industry I deal with this sort of thing on a daily basis, because it is considered "my job", but keep doing what you think is right, and sooner or later, it will come back your way. There are still some folks out there that try to do things the proper way.

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I can imagine your frustration, Ive had a few members here help me out with parts/decals and Ive always made sure I thank them when I receive the parts, a simple thankyou in return is no hardship in fact its common decency.

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Sadly, manners and courtesy seem to be casualties of modern society.  Keep doing what you think is right, as others have said "no good deed...."

Unfortunately this is true.

 

I wouldn't let it bother me, I've sent countless items out with no thoughts , cares or concerns on getting even a simple thank you( most times I do though). If I have the parts or knowledge of the subject at hand, and I have no plans for it .  I'll share it without a second thought. Its the way I was raised.

I Actually have a couple items to take to the post office in the morning.

But I've followed some of your posts on these early car. And I thank you. I used to work at a restoration shop that specialized in brass era cars. and have since gained a huge fascination / desire for them . Thus my model collection of the cars from this era has grown considerably the past 4 or 5 years.

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To me it's not so much a thank you but let me know you received what I sent. It bothers me more that it could have been lost in the mail (on items not covered by tracking numbers) and someone thinks I never bothered to send what they wanted. My reputation and good name mean more to me than a thank you. What it boils down to is if I took the time to send it to you then I would hope you take the time to let me know you received it.:)

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Hang in there Skip....I have had about the same experience before too but what you are willing to do makes things easier for others that need the help and makes you a better guy than the ones that cant remember to at least thank you for the help.  I never forget to thank anyone for there kindness and help.  Being willing to help another modeler makes you a true brother in plastic Skip....dont let anyone change who you are.

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To me it's not so much a thank you but let me know you received what I sent. It bothers me more that it could have been lost in the mail (on items not covered by tracking numbers) and someone thinks I never bothered to send what they wanted. My reputation and good name mean more to me than a thank you. What it boils down to is if I took the time to send it to you then I would hope you take the time to let me know you received it.:)

Yes, that's a part of it I left out.

Thanks to all for your good wishes.

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