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How about a laugh?


Ace-Garageguy

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On 11/6/2023 at 6:55 PM, Snake45 said:

This is a true story, and happened this morning. The Lovely Mrs. Snake heard it all, and can testify. 

Setup: This is the time of year when, if you are an American over 65, you will get many, MANY phone calls trying to sell you "Medicare supplemental insurance."  The tipoff that these are sales calls are the word "Medicare." NO ONE from Medicare will ever call you for any reason. If you need to talk to Medicare, YOU have to call THEM (and probably wait on line for hours, but that's not what I'm here to tell you). ANY mention of Medicare IS a sales call. The vast majority of these are recorded robo-calls, but every now and then one will be a real live person, which I take as an opportunity to have some fun. Okay, here we go. 

CALLER: (In very slight Indian accent) "Good morning, Richard, this is Carol with Medicare Assistance. How are you today?"

ME: (In happy, upbeat mood) "Hi, Carol, I'm doing great! What are you wearing?"

CALLER: (After a few seconds) "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you, sir. What did you say?" 

ME: (Still happy and upbeat) "I said Hi, Carol, I'm doing great! What are you wearing?"

CALLER: (After a pause of a few more seconds) "Sir, that is NONE of your business!!!"

ME: (Still happy and upbeat) "Hey, YOU called ME!"

CALLER: "F*** you!" (Click)

I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. :lol::lol::lol:

Feel free to try this yourself. You'll be glad you did! B):lol:

Pro tip: keep a whistle beside the phone and save anyone else getting called for half an hour. Those phone headsets are much louder than our phones. Make sure its a scam first or you might get some visitors in uniform

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53 minutes ago, iamsuperdan said:

The best part about getting a face transplant would be showing up at the donor's funeral.

 

...and saying, "What? Too soon?" :lol:

This whole idea is just sick and wrong. And also, hilarious! :lol:

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One afternoon a lawyer rides in his limousine.  He sees two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he orders his driver to stop.  He gets out to investigate.

He asks one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replies. "We have to eat grass."  

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer tells the man.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree."   

"Bring them along." 

Turning to the second poor man, he tells him, "You may come with us, also."  

In a pitiful voice, the other man tells the lawyer, "But sir, I also have a wife but have six children with me!"  

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer tells the pitiful man.

They all enter the car, no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the grateful men turns to the lawyer and tells him, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The kind lawyer replies, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.  My grass is almost a foot high..."

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15 hours ago, Tom Geiger said:

One afternoon a lawyer rides in his limousine.  He sees two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he orders his driver to stop.  He gets out to investigate.

He asks one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replies. "We have to eat grass."  

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer tells the man.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree."   

"Bring them along." 

Turning to the second poor man, he tells him, "You may come with us, also."  

In a pitiful voice, the other man tells the lawyer, "But sir, I also have a wife but have six children with me!"  

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer tells the pitiful man.

They all enter the car, no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the grateful men turns to the lawyer and tells him, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The kind lawyer replies, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.  My grass is almost a foot high..."

And then he logged on to all his social media accounts posting selfies and telling the world what a great, generous, selfless humanitarian he was...

I know several people just like him.

Edited by Ace-Garageguy
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Only in Utica, NY. It's probably all over Facebook too. 

I see 2 things that brings up a definite theory...

1 - the deer isn't gutted out

2 - no blood

Definite theory ...

That's a roadkill. Lord knows how long that deer been sitting on the roadside. 

You can't fix stupid and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

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On 11/13/2023 at 4:33 PM, stitchdup said:

When i die I want to buried in a spring loaded coffin. Bet that makes the archeologists jump

Better yet, have the funeral home  play Pop, Goes the Weasel at your funeral. LOLOLOL!

Or.. have a musical Jack-in-the-Box handle installed on your coffin. Let the little kiddie play with it and watch the mourners get nervous with anticipation that the coffin juuuuust might pop the lid.

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