unclescott58 Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 Scott, you hit a new low on corny jokes... Why thank you. I think? Scott
unclescott58 Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 By the way, do cows squirt milk through their noses when they laugh?
unclescott58 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 AUTOMOTIVE ACRONYMS Audi: Accelerates Under Demonic Influence BMW: Big Money Waste; Bought My Wife; Bumbling Mechanical Wretch Buick: Big Ugly Import Car Killer Chevrolet: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips; Cracked Heads, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time Dodge: Dead On Day Guarantee Expires; Drips Oil, Drops Greese Everywhere Edsel: Every Day Something Else Leaks Fiat: Failure In Automotive Technology; Fix It Again Tony Ford: Fix Or Repair Daily; Found On Road Dead; Fast Only Rolling Down Hill GM: General Maintenance GMC: Gererally Mediocre Cars Honda: Had One Never Did Again Hyundai: Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive Jeep: Just Eats Every Part MG: Money Guzzler Pinto: Put In Nickel To Operate Saab: Swedish Automobile - Always Broken VW: Virtually Worthless - Scott
mnwildpunk Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 I heard buick as barfed up icky Carmel korn I have one for Pontiac but its a bit racist and won't say it here. If you're a fan of ford= First on race day if not a fan= funky old rebuilt dodge. Dodge = dem old dudes go everywhere. Gmc = got mechanic coming
unclescott58 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) I heard buick as barfed up icky Carmel korn I have one for Pontiac but its a bit racist and won't say it here. If you're a fan of ford= First on race day if not a fan= funky old rebuilt dodge. Dodge = dem old dudes go everywhere. Gmc = got mechanic coming Is the Pontiac one your referring to is this one? Pontiacs: Poor Old Norwegian Thinks It's A Cadillac Well as half Norwegian, I'm only half offended by your racists thoughts. To offend the other, Finnish half, you can mention that Chevy Impalas are considered by Finnish Americans as a Finlander's Cadillac. Oh great! Now I've offended myself, by tell you how to offend me, by telling these two jokes. I'm going to take this one step farther. Growing up, my Norwegian born mother, who met and married my father (100% of Finnish decent) in Duluth, MN. Claimed that back like 100 years ago, Superior, WI across the bay from Duluth had signs on the beaches that read, "No Dogs, Finns (people of Finnish decent), or Indians (Native Americans/First Nation people) allowed on the beaches." Which is rather odd considering the number of Finns and Native Americans living in and around the "Twin Ports" at that time and now. Plus, she wasn't living there during that time. But, things being a little different 100 years ago, she might have been right. Either way, the idea of this sign always hit right with my warped sense of humor somehow. A little over 10 years ago my youngest sister married a wonderful guy, who happens to be Native American. He and my sister then bought a lake cabin. Which got me thinking. So, I asked my brother in law, Rich, if he would be offended if I someday had a sign made for their cabin that said the above. Well, Rich has a good sense of humour and understands my warped one. So he gave me his blessing. Two years ago I found a sign maker at a sports show in Superior, WI out of all places, who made me such a sign. There was only one problem I could see with the sign. Sure Rich is an "Indian." And my sister Michelle is half Finn. But, they do not own a dog. Rich said that was okay. The neighboring cabin has dogs that like to come over and visit their place when they're there. By the way, I did not ask my sister if she would be offended by the sign. With her I didn't care. But I didn't want to offend Rich, because I like him. Scott Edited October 23, 2014 by unclescott58
mnwildpunk Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 No Norwegian was not what I heard but it works no offense but its a lot less offensive then what I heard hey I'm.half irish other half Norwegian grandma was named ingaborg
Custom Hearse Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) Scott- the reason they didn't want your ancestors (Finnish) and mine (Apache) on the beach was because they didn't want the Indians burning Easter bonfires as a Pagan custom meant to keep witches at bay, and they didn't want the finnish people scalping innocent sunbathers... Just Kidding! Edited October 23, 2014 by Custom Hearse
mnwildpunk Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 I thought us Norwegian couldnt be out in the sun anyway
unclescott58 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) Scott- the reason they didn't want your ancestors (Finnish) and mine (Apache) on the beach was because they didn't want the Indians burning Easter bonfires as a Pagan custom meant to keep witches at bay, and they didn't want the finnish people scalping innocent sunbathers... Just Kidding! Now that's funny! Scott Edited October 23, 2014 by unclescott58
mnwildpunk Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Now that's funny! Scott that is funny
Custom Hearse Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (In my best Elvis voice...) Thank ya! Thank ya very much!!!
unclescott58 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) By the way, the Automotive Acronyms I posted above, I forgot to mention that I got them out of a great book called "Car Crazy"' by Dean D. Dauphinois and Peter M. Gareffa. I don't know if the book is still available or not. It was published almost 20 years ago. In 1996 by Visible Ink Press. It's a fun book with a lots great automotive trivia in it. And here is another humours one I'd like to share. It's titled Excu-u-u-u-u-se Me! "Actual excuses for auto accidents, taken from insurance-company records:" "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "The other car collided with mine without giving warnings of its intentions." "I thought the window was down, but I found out it was up, when I put my head through it." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way." "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face." "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him." "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment." "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car." "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident." "I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." "As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place no stop sign had ever appeared before." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian." "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." "I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck the front end." "I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car." - Scott Edited October 23, 2014 by unclescott58
wayne swayze Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 What did the baby chicken say when it's mother layed an orange? "Look at the orange marmalade! "
unclescott58 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 (edited) How about some real "corny" jokes? Q: Why didn't anybody laugh at the gardener's jokes? A: Because they were too corny! Q: How did the tomato court the corn? A: He whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Q: What did the corn say when it got complimented? A: Aww, shucks! Q: What does Chuck Norris do when he wants popcorn? A: He breathes on Nebraska! Q: What does moldy corn flakes have in common with Charles Manson? A: They are both cereal killers! Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Q: How is an ear of corn like an army? A: It has lots of kennels. Q: What do you get when a corn cob is run over by a truck? A: "Creamed" corn. Q: What do you call the best student at Corn school? A: The "A" corn. Q: What do corn use for money? A: Corn "bread." Q: What did the baby corn say to the mom corn? A: Where is my pop corn? Q: What has ears but cannot hear? A: A field of corn. Q: What did one ear of corn say to the other ear of corn? A: Don't look now but I think someone is stalking us. If corn oil come from corn, what does baby oil come from? One day two corn cobs, who are best friends, we're walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured corn cob called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured corn cob was taken to emergency at the hosipital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured corn cob, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life." A guy walks into a doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a corn cob in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly." After a minor mathematical error on routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 corn cobs and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 corn cobs." Okay I'm sorry for that. I got these jokes off of jokes4us.com. They are bad. And there are more waiting on their site. Scott Edited October 24, 2014 by unclescott58
wayne swayze Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 How much did pirates pay for corn? About a buck an ear.
Harry P. Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 One day two corn cobs, who are best friends, we're walking together down the street. They stepped for the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured corn cob called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured corn cob was taken to emergency at the hosipital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured corn cob, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life." There's a good reason that joke isn't funny Corn isn't a vegetable, it's a grain. Like wheat, rye, oats, or barley.
unclescott58 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) There's a good reason that joke isn't funny Corn isn't a vegetable, it's a grain. Like wheat, rye, oats, or barley. Oh come on Harry. Two things. One, I didn't write the joke. And two, most people do consider corn a vegetable. Plus I thought it was funny and "corny." Scott Edited November 1, 2014 by unclescott58
unclescott58 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 (edited) Oh, and by the way Harry. Those were the good ones. I did not include all of the corn jokes from that site. One because it was in bad taste and not family friendly. Scott Edited October 24, 2014 by unclescott58
Harry P. Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 On come on Harry. Just messin' with ya. But seriously... corn is not a vegetable. And a tomato isn't either. It's a fruit. And a peanut is not a nut. It's a legume, like beans. Stick with me, kid, and you'll learn a thing or three...
unclescott58 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Ah Harry, do I have to learn anything here? It's it more fun to spread the wrong information? Scott
mnwildpunk Posted October 25, 2014 Author Posted October 25, 2014 Moma tomato papa tomato and baby tomato are wallking down the street baby tomato starts falling behind. Well papa tomato gets angry and goes back and squishes baby tomato and says ketchup or catch up
unclescott58 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Moma tomato papa tomato and baby tomato are wallking down the street baby tomato starts falling behind. Well papa tomato gets angry and goes back and squishes baby tomato and says ketchup or catch up I like it Dave. But, what did we learn? Scott
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