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:lol:;):unsure: :unsure: :unsure: hmmmmmm, we seem to have a dead audiance here. Any jokes to lighten up the atmosphere?! Helllllloooooooo? :blink: :blink:

Human's must've had bad engineers. I mean, who would put a recreational facility right next to a waste disposal unit? :D

Thank you Robin Williams on Bicentennial Man!

Edited by FujimiLover

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Two blond roommates are coming home after a night of drinking and partying. One of the blonds says to the other, "I don't feel so good", and passes out on the couch. Next morning the other blond comes into the living room and sees her roommate still laying on the couch in the same position she was last night. The first blond starts to panic, and calls 911.

"Hello, 911? I think my friend is dead! She's just laying on the couch and hasn't moved since last night!"

The 911 operator answers, "Now, don't panic, ma'am. The first thing we have to do is to make sure she's really dead."

The operator hears the blond put down the phone, then there are several seconds of silence, followed by a gunshot.

"Ok," says the blond as she returns to the phone. ""What's next?"

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Two blond roommates are coming home after a night of drinking and partying. One of the blonds says to the other, "I don't feel so good", and passes out on the couch. Next morning the other blond comes into the living room and sees her roommate still laying on the couch in the same position she was last night. The first blond starts to panic, and calls 911.

"Hello, 911? I think my friend is dead! She's just laying on the couch and hasn't moved since last night!"

The 911 operator answers, "Now, don't panic, ma'am. The first thing we have to do is to make sure she's really dead."

The operator hears the blond put down the phone, then there are several seconds of silence, followed by a gunshot.

"Ok," says the blond as she returns to the phone. ""What's next?"

LOL, LOL, LOL, I like that one!!!!!

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A turtle is walking down the street when suddenly two snails approach from behind. "This is a stick-up," announces one of the snails, and they proceed to rob the poor turtle.

Later, the turtle calls the police to report the robbery. "Two snails snuck up behind me and robbed me!" the turtle exclaimed.

The police officer asks the turtle if he can provide a description of the two snails, what they were wearing, etc.

"I don't think I can," the turtle replied. "Everything happened so fast!"

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Q: If a blond and a brunette jump off a cliff at the same time, who hits the ground first?

A: The brunette, because the blond had to stop and ask for directions...

:lol:;):unsure:

The guy behind the counter at the take-out pizza place asked the blond customer if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please," she replied. "I could never eat twelve pieces!"

:unsure: :unsure: :D

A guy hired a blonde to paint his living room. When he walked into the room, he was surprised to find the blond wearing both a denim jacket and a fur coat over that. Puzzled, the guy asked the blond, "Why are you dressed like that?"

The blond picked up the paint can and pointed to the directions. "See," she said, "it says right here... for best results put on two coats!"

:blink: :blink: :lol:

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A turtle is walking down the street when suddenly two snails approach from behind. "This is a stick-up," announces one of the snails, and they proceed to rob the poor turtle.

Later, the turtle calls the police to report the robbery. "Two snails snuck up behind me and robbed me!" the turtle exclaimed.

The police officer asks the turtle if he can provide a description of the two snails, what they were wearing, etc.

"I don't think I can," the turtle replied. "Everything happened so fast!"

I don't know why but that joke reminds me of one of Jerry Seinfield's last episodes. Where the four of theme are watching a fat guy being car-jacked or robbed or something and they all stand there watching this happen and make jokes about it. I think one of theme said.

"You know, good thing about robbing a fat guy is he's too slow to chase you." Or something like that, sorry can't remember exact words even as funny as it was.

Still, that was a good one harry!

Have you heard this one?

Never argue with an idiot. Nobody will notice the difference. :o

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What do you call a constipated German? Farfrompoopin'!

What do you call a four door Yugo? A Wego!

F ix

I t

A gain

T ony

Frank

Edited by THROBACK

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A priest, a Rabbi, a Minister, a blond, a Pole and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this- a joke?"

Q. Why did the punk rocker cross the road?

A. He was stapled to the chicken.

The other day I saw a car with two air bags in it- my ex- wife and her mother.

I'm here all week, folks. Try the veal....

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Two blond roommates are coming home after a night of drinking and partying. One of the blonds says to the other, "I don't feel so good", and passes out on the couch. Next morning the other blond comes into the living room and sees her roommate still laying on the couch in the same position she was last night. The first blond starts to panic, and calls 911.

"Hello, 911? I think my friend is dead! She's just laying on the couch and hasn't moved since last night!"

The 911 operator answers, "Now, don't panic, ma'am. The first thing we have to do is to make sure she's really dead."

The operator hears the blond put down the phone, then there are several seconds of silence, followed by a gunshot.

"Ok," says the blond as she returns to the phone. ""What's next?"

:lol:;);):lol:;)

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If I put a Ferrari engine in a Smart car, would that make it a Fart?

If Drew Berrymore married Drew Carry, her name would be Drew Carry, if Drew Carry married Drew Berymore, his name would be Drew Berymore. Hmmm, neither would have to change names! LOL! :D

Edited by FujimiLover

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If Drew Berrymore married Drew Carry, her name would be Drew Carry, if Drew Carry married Drew Berymore, his name would be Drew Berymore. Hmmm, neither would have to change names! LOL! :blink:

It's Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey.

And if Drew Barrymore married Drew Carey, his name would still be Drew Carey... ;)

However... if Mariah Carey married Drew Carey, she'd still be Mariah Carey. Or Mariah Carey-Carey... :D

And if Ella Fitzgerald had married Allan Funt, she would have been Ella Funt! ;)

Now if Jim Carrey married Drew Carey.... :blink:

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It's Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey.

And if Drew Barrymore married Drew Carey, his name would still be Drew Carey... :blink:

However... if Mariah Carey married Drew Carey, she'd still be Mariah Carey. Or Mariah Carey-Carey... :D

And if Ella Fitzgerald had married Allan Funt, she would have been Ella Funt! ;)

Now if Jim Carrey married Drew Carey.... :blink:

Then they'd be welcomed in Cali with opened arms!!!! :blink: Sorry, I couldn't help myself!!!! They'd be welcome in ANY state that recognizes same sex marrage! ;)

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What if Eva Longoria married Tom Sneva? Eva Sneva! :D

Paris Hilton and Ed Harris? Paris Harris!

Martha Stewart and Denzel Washington? Martha Washington!!

Tara Reid and Quentin Tarantino? Tara Tarantino!!!

Bristol Palin and Mike Meyers? Bristol Meyers!!!!

Darryl Hannah and Will Ferrell? Darryl Ferrell!!!!!

:blink:

Hoo boy, I'm on a roll... ;)

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It's Drew Barrymore and Drew Carey.

And if Drew Barrymore married Drew Carey, his name would still be Drew Carey... ;)

However... if Mariah Carey married Drew Carey, she'd still be Mariah Carey. Or Mariah Carey-Carey... <_<

And if Ella Fitzgerald had married Allan Funt, she would have been Ella Funt! ;)

Now if Jim Carrey married Drew Carey.... :blink:

Sorry, I'm bad at spelling names, but you got the point! Jim and Drew, hmmmmm, some how I don't see that happening. Funny how there are a lot of "Caries" in entertainment, and none of theme are related! LOL!

Speaking of which, I've always wondered if Robert Wagner, AKA Number Two, and Lindsey Wagner were related? Married, or brother/sister?

"Number Two" is in reference to his role in Austin Powers.

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Warning: bad taste alert!

Farrah Fawcett went to heaven and met God.

God: "Loved your work on Charlie's Angels. I have pinup of you in that red bikini in my workshop. Tell you what, since I like you so much, I'll give you wish."

So Farrah Fawcett thought about it. She liked the idea God was liking her so much, so she wanted to impress him further.

Farrah: "I wish that every child on Earth was safe."

There was a flash of lightening and Michael Jackson appeared beside her.

*rimshot*

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Warning: bad taste alert!

Farrah Fawcett went to heaven and met God.

God: "Loved your work on Charlie's Angels. I have pinup of you in that red bikini in my workshop. Tell you what, since I like you so much, I'll give you wish."

So Farrah Fawcett thought about it. She liked the idea God was liking her so much, so she wanted to impress him further.

Farrah: "I wish that every child on Earth was safe."

There was a flash of lightening and Michael Jackson appeared beside her.

*rimshot*

What did God say when Micheal Jackson arrived in heaven?

"Beat it!"

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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat!

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Hmmmm........................................................ :lol: I hear crickets :lol: .................................... tough sub.

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A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think

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A guy was driving through the countryside of Montana when his car broke down. He walked into the nearest town looking for a repair shop, and when he found one, was shocked to see a sign in the window that read "Talking Dog for sale"

The man walked into the building. A grizzled old geezer sat at a desk, and a scruffy old Golden Retriever lay on the floor. As the door creaked open, the dog lifted its head and asked "Can I help you?"

Stunned, the man simply stared at the old dog for a few moments as he tried to collect his thoughts. Finally, after he'd recovered a bit, he asked:

"A talking dog... wow... what's your story."

"Well," the dog replied " I learned to talk when I was a puppy. At first it was just kind of a novelty- then the local police recruited me to eavesdrop on people. You know- who's gonna expect a dog is listening, right? I helped bust a lot of drug dealers and theives. Then, the CIA found out about me, and they recruited me to spy on the Soviets. I remember laying on the Russian Prime Minister's lap while he petted me and talked about all the nukes he had pointing at us. "

"After a few years, I was getting burned out, so I left the CIA and started volunteering in the local schools. I got married, had a few puppies, and finally decided to settle down here in Montana."

Amazed, the man simply stood for a while, soaking in the incredible story this talking dog had just told him. He turned to the old man.

"Sir, your talking dog is... just amazing! How much do you want for him?"

"Ten bucks" the old man said.

"TEN BUCKS!?" the man exlaimed "Why only ten bucks?"

The old man looked the traveler straight in the eye and said:

"Cuz he's a flippin' liar. He never did any of that sh*t he just said!"

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