Custom Hearse

WOW Jonathan! Those wheels came out excellent! The paint is real nice as well! Keep up the awesome work!!!

Stephen Wright was hilarious! I still remember my favorite joke by him... "I thought about hooking the brakelights up to the gas pedal... I hit the gas, everyone stops, I'm gone...

A young blond lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The young blond lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a cool glass of water, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files. From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters. The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat truck!

That came out beautifully Mike! The stripes look awesome, and the Cragars are perfect! 10 thumbs up!!!

A man is in court, charged with bigamy. It seems he married two women, one named Edith, the other named Kate. After being found guilty of the charges, the judge sentences him to a year in jail. The Judge stands up, reads off his sentence, and looks at the convicted man, and say's: "Do you understand Sir, that you can't have your Kate, and Edith too?!?"

I'm getting back on this one again. I need to complete it and get it off the "gathering dust" pile...

The stripes look awesome!!! And the color is cool! The only big difference between the Satellite and GTX (besides the GTX emblems and the GTX on the grill), is the hood. If someone mad a copy of the hood, I'd buy a dozen of them! Keep up the good work! I'm loving it!!!

That is cool Scott. But wouldn't it be "... little red covered wagon. Age presented..."

Harley Earl designed this car, but I'm curious as to who designed the Buick and the Oldsmobile. Does anyone else think this would've made a good Spycar for 007?

Probably not, but it is something that no'one else has!

It wasn't either a movie, nor a T.V. show. Going to Orange County International Raceway as a kid and watching the funny cars, top fuel, fuel altereds, street cars, and the like got me interested.

1954 Pontiac Bonneville Special: https://autos.yahoo.com/news/1954-pontiac-bonneville-special-pure-automotive-americana-170034139.html

The ORIGINAL officially sanctioned Batmobile from 1963 is up for auction: http://jalopnik.com/for-sale-the-original-batmobile-you-never-knew-existed-1658397264

Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector...

Yup!

It wasn't true. Plant did not tear up a contract... http://consequenceofsound.net/2014/11/no-robert-plant-did-not-rip-up-an-800-million-offer-to-reunite-led-zeppelin/

A blondes cooking diary: MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose

Sorry Ben... Not the right movie...

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running...

Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I scanned the car park I came to a terrifying conclusion! His theory was right. The car park was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all. "Hello My Love", I stammered; I always call him "My Love" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had disconnected, but then I heard his voice. He barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your stupid car"!!!

A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump. "The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then. "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again.

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Coles supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared... (You're going to hate me for this...) 'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Coles

What's the matter Col. Sanders? Chicken?

Well said Wayne.