Harry P. Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Why is abbreviation such a long word? If nothing sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? What's another word for thesaurus? If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Chuck Most Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 This is beyond stupid, but it still made me laugh. 'long ducks'
3100 chevy Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 A termite walked into a bar and asked is the bar tender here?
unclescott58 Posted June 26, 2015 Posted June 26, 2015 To write with a broken pencil is pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. The professor discovered that her theory on earthquakes was on shaky ground. The batteries were given out free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. A will is a dead giveaway. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. Show me a piano falling down mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN don under. A boiled egg is hard to beat. When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a recast. Did you hea about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. If you take your laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. Acupuncture: a jab well done. I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
Custom Hearse Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Me: That is hilarious! Me: It wasn't that funny. Me: Is so! Me: is not!!! Can you guess which pun I liked the best Scott? LOL!!!
oldnslow Posted August 8, 2015 Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) https://scontent-atl1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/10379009_10152250107478317_9155213989364262835_n.jpg?oh=211ecaf9a7555f842783c4f9e8851528&oe=56807434Now I can't post pics from anywhere, guess I'll have to work on this. Edited August 8, 2015 by oldnslow
John Clutch Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Whats green and goes "slam slam slam slam"?A four door pickle
Chuck Most Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? The hippo is very heavy... ... and the Zippo is a little lighter. *cymbal crash*
JollySipper Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 A one-liner right now would do me just fine.......!!
Harry P. Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Chuck, where did you find those Harbor Freight spoofs? Hilarious!
JollySipper Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) Chowder: (referring to jokes the three are telling): Ooh! My turn! I've got a good one! So a duck walks into a restaurant - no, wait, I think it was a hyena... definately a hyena. ...No, no, a duck. So a duck walks into a restaurant, and orders a steak - or was it spaghetti? No, that doesn't sound right.Mung: (sighs)Chowder: Maybe it wasn't even food he ordered. Could've just walked in there to get a glass of water. (Shnitzel is seen drooling) I don't know. Let's just say it was steak. (smiles) So get this! The hyena says to the waiter, "Put it on my bill!" (cymbol crash) No, wait, it was a duck. You know what? Let me start all over. (Mung and Shnitzel fall asleep) yawned! Cute joke from one of my favorite cartoons............... Edited October 3, 2015 by JollySipper spelling errors
Chuck Most Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Chuck, where did you find those Harbor Freight spoofs? Hilarious! They're all over the internet. The Apple Cabin Foods flyers are great too.
Chuck Most Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 If dogs are man's best friend, and diamonds are a woman's best friend, then David Bowie is everyone's best friend.
HotRodaSaurus Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Funniest joke I have heard for a long time! A duck walks into a bar, takes a seat at the bar then says to the barman "Got any grapes?""Sorry, we don't serve grapes" says the barman, so the duck leaves.Next day, the duck goes back into the same bar, takes a seat and asked the barman, "Got any Grapes?""Sorry, i told you yesterday, we don't serve grapes" says the barman so the duck leaves.The following day the duck then goes back into the bar again, sits down and says to the the barman "Got any grapes?"The barman replies "I TOLD YOU YESTERDAY, WE DONT SERVE GRAPES! And if you ask again I will nail your beak to the bar!"The duck asks "Got any nails?" "NO" replies the barman."Got any grapes" asked the duck.
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