some corny jokes

[unclescott58]

I'm disappointed. I thought the Automotive Acronyms would have gotten a better response. And we would see more added to the list. I know there are more out there.

Edited July 29, 2016 by unclescott58

[cowboy rich]

All I can add is my Jeep was just empty every pocket and my Harley was Hundred Dollars 

[John Clutch]

[SSNJim]

You wanted more? Here's a few of the cleaner ones from my collection. Caution: Long post.

ACURA A Car U Really Admire
ACURA A Car Unquestionably Reliable Always
ACURA A Classy, Unique, Race-ready Automovile
ACURA All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
ACURA All Customers Undergo Repair Anxiety
ACURA Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents
ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
ACURA Any Child Understands Real Automobiles
ACURA Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
ACURA Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents
ALFA ROMEO All Loosely Fitted Accessories Remain On Motorway Enraging Others
AMC A Major Cost
AMC A Morons Car
AMC A Mutated Car
AMC Active Mom Carrier
AMC All Makes Combined
ASTON MARTIN Anglophiles Seek To Own, Now Many Are Really Trashy, I Notice
AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
AUDI Aging, Unfulfilled Dentists' Investment
AUDI Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
AUDI Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
AUDI Attention: User Doesn't Indicate!
AUDI Automobile Under Demonic Influence
AUDI Automobile Unfortunately Devaluates Immediately
AUDI Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
AUDI Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
BEETLE Battered Everywhere; Expect To Lose Engine
BEETLE By Everyone's Experience, They Last Eternally!
BENTLEY British Excess Needs To Leave Everywhere, Yesterday
BMW Babbling Mechanical Wench
BMW Bad Mans Wheels
BMW Barely Moving Wreck
BMW Bavarian Meat Wagon
BMW Bavarian Money Waster
BMW Beastly Monstrous Wonder
BMW Beastly Monstrous Wonder
BMW Beautiful Masterpiece on Wheels
BMW Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
BMW Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
BMW Big Money Waste
BMW Big Money Wasted
BMW Big Money Waster
BMW Big Money Works
BMW Big Money. Why?
BMW Big Mormon Wagon
BMW Bikes Made Wonderful
BMW Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
BMW Born Moderately Wealthy
BMW Bought My Wife
BMW Brakes Maybe Work
BMW Break My Wallet
BMW Break My Window
BMW Break My Windows
BMW Break My Windshield
BMW Breaks Most Wrenches
BMW Bring Mama's Wallet
BMW Bring Massive Wallet
BMW Bring More Wampum
BMW Bring More Wrenches
BMW Bring My Wallet
BMW Brings Me Women
BMW Brings More Women
BMW Broke Man Walking
BMW Broke My Wallet
BMW Broken Money Waster
BMW Broken Monstrous Wonder
BMW Brutal Money Waster
BMW Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
BMW Busted My Wallet
BMW But Might Work
BUICK barfed up icky Carmel korn
BUICK Bearing Unimpressive I4s, Current as Kennedy
BUICK Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King
BUICK Big Ugly Import Car Killer
BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Compact Killer
BUICK Big, Ugly Idiot's Cat Killer
BUICK Big, Ugly Imitation Chrome King
BUICK Big, Ugly Import Car Killer
BUICK Big, Underpowered, Impressing China Keenly
BUICK Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt
BUICK Built Using Inferior Car Knowledge
CADILLAC Can American Designers Invent Lovely Lines? Apparently, Can't.
CADILLAC Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer
CADILLAC Certified As Detroit's Inadequate, Lumbering Luxury Automotive Catastrophe
CADILLAC Chrome Accents Decorate In Lavish, Luxurious, Aristocratic Car
CADILLAC Colossal Automobile Delights Individuals with Lumbering Luxury And Comfort
CADILLAC Costly Automobile Delivers Indulgent Luxury, Lavishness And Comfort
CADILLAC Crazy And Demented Idiots Like Large American Cars
CADILLAC Crazy Aunt Drives It Like a Lunatic Across the Country
CAMARO Can't America Make A Real One?
CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, On Long, Extended Trips
CHEVROLET Can't Hear Excessive Valve Rap Over Lousy Engine Timing
CHEVROLET Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
CHEVROLET Cheap Heap, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks, Exhaust Too
CHEVROLET Cheap Heaps: Expect Very Routine Owner Letdowns, Excessive Trouble
CHEVROLET Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
CHEVROLET Cheap, Heavily Equipped Vehicle Running On Least Expensive Tires
CHEVROLET Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVROLET Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology
CHEVROLET Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Little Engineering Troubles
CHEVROLET Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVROLET Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks
CHEVROLET Cracked Heads, Every Valve's Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVY Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet
CHRYSLER Can Hear Revs, Yet Sense Little Engine Reaction
CHRYSLER Can't Have Refund. You're Stuck Loser -- Endless Repairs
CHRYSLER Can't He Repair Your Slow, Leaky, Expensive Rustbucket
CHRYSLER Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs
CHRYSLER Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair
CHRYSLER Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's
CITROEN Car Is Thoroughly Rotten -- Overhauls Endlessly Needed
CITROEN Crummy Interior, Terrible Road-holding, Owned Entirely by Nitwits
DODGE Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive
DODGE Darn Old Dirty Gas Eater
DODGE Darn Ole Dirty Gas Eater
DODGE Dangerous On Days Gears Engage
DODGE Dead Old Dog Going East
DODGE Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
DODGE Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
DODGE Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
DODGE Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
DODGE Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
DODGE Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego
DODGE Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
DODGE Dies On Day Guarantee Expires
DODGE Doddering Old Dudes Get Excited
DODGE Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere
DODGE Drips Oil Drops Grease Everywhere
DODGE Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
DODGE Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere
DODGE Drips Oil, Drops Greese Everywhere
EDSEL Every Day Some Engineer Laughs
EDSEL Every Day Something Else Leaks
FIAT Failed Italian Automotive Technology
FIAT Failure in Automotive Technology
FIAT Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
FIAT Feeble Italians Attempt Transportation
FIAT Fiat Is Always Trouble
FIAT Fix It Again Tom
FIAT Fix It Again Tony
FIAT Fix It Again Tony?
FIAT Fix It Again, Tony
FIAT Fix It Again, Tony!
FIAT Fix It All the Time
FIAT Fixed It Again Today
FIAT Found In A Trashcan
FIAT Futile Italian Attempt at Transportation
FORD Fabricated Of Refried Dung
FORD Fails On Rainy Days
FORD Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
FORD Fast Only Rolling Down Hill
FORD Fast Only Rolling Downhill
FORD Fastest On Race Day
FORD Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
FORD Fault Of R&D
FORD Faulty, Obsolete Racing Device
FORD Fifth On Race Day
FORD Fill Oil Reservoir Daily
FORD Finally Obsolete Racing Device
FORD Fine Off Road Driver
FORD Finest on Reliability & Durability
FORD Fireball On Rear Denting
FORD First On Race Day
FORD First On Recall Day
FORD First On Road to Dump
FORD First On Rust and Deterioration
FORD First Owners Recommend Dodge
FORD Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
FORD Fix or Repair Daily
FORD Fixed Or Repaired Daily
FORD Flimsy Old Rebuilt Dodge
FORD Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
FORD Flipping Over Results in Death
FORD Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
FORD Foot On Road Decelerates
FORD For Old Retarded Derelicts
FORD Forced On Reluctant Drivers
FORD Fords Only Roll Downhill
FORD Foreign Office Research Department
FORD Fork Over Repair Dough
FORD Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
FORD Formed Of Rejected DNA
FORD Forward Only -- Reverse Defective
FORD Forward Only; Reverse Defective
FORD Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
FORD Found On Redneck Driveway
FORD Found on Road Dead
FORD Found On Rubbish Dump
FORD Found On Rubbish Dumps
FORD Free Or Reduced Drastically
FORD Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
FORD Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
FORD Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
FORD Full Of Rusty Dirt
FORD Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
FORD funky old rebuilt dodge
FORD Funny Old Rattling Dump
FORD Funny, Old, Rattling Dump
GLC Goofy Losers Car
GLH Goes Like Hell!
GM Garbage Motors
GM Generally Miserable
GM Government Motors
GM Grossly Misconceived
GMC Garage Mans Companion
GMC Garage Man's Companion
GMC Generally Malfunctions Completely
GMC Generally Mediocre Cars
GMC Generic Made Chevy
GMC Gererally Mediocre Cars
GMC Get More Cash
GMC Get More Chicks
GMC Gets Mechanics Crazy
GMC Gods Mechanical Curse
GMC God's Mechanical Curse
GMC Good Mountain Climber
GMC Got Mechanic Coming
GMC Got Mechanic Coming
GMC Gotta Mechanic Coming?
GMC Great Motor Car
GMC Great Mountain Climber
GMC Great, More BLAH_BLAH_BLAH_BLAH
GMC Greatest Mistake Created
GMC Greatly Maligned Cars
GMC Grief & Misery Combined
GMC Grossly Misconceived Creations
HOLDEN Heaps Of Lead Doing Entirely Nothing
HOLDEN Heaps Of Loud, Distorted Engine Noises
HOLDEN Heavy Oil Leaks, Deafening Engine Noise
HOLDEN Holden Owners Lose Drags Every Night
HOLDEN Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents and Engine Noise
HOLDEN Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now
HOLDEN Horrible Old Lump of Decrepit Engineering Nonsense
HOLDEN Horrible, Obscene, Loud, Disgusting Engine Noises
HOLDEN Hot Oil Leaks Down Every Night
HONDA Had One Never Did Again
HONDA Had One, Never Did Again
HONDA Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
HONDA Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles
HONDA Hallmark Of Non-Destructible Automobiles
HONDA Hand Over Numerous Dollars to Asians
HONDA Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
HONDA Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else
HONDA Harley Owners Need A Dependable Alternative
HONDA Harley Owners Need Dependable Alternative
HONDA Harley Owners Need Dependable Assistance
HONDA Has Only Normal, Dull Attributes
HONDA Hated, Old, Noisy, Damaged Automobile
HONDA Highly Overpriced Non-Domestic Automobile
HONDA History Of No Dramatic Acceleration
HONDA Hold On Not Done Accelerating
HONDA Hold on Not Done Accelerating!!
HONDA Hold On, Not Done Accelerating
HONDA Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
HONDA Honda Owners Need Depends Always
HONDA Horsepower Option Never Did Appear
HYUNDAI Here's Y U Never Drive An Import
HYUNDAI Hope You Understand No Dependable Autos Included
HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive
HYUNDAI How Your Usual Nerd Drives An Import
IROC I Race Old Cars
IROC I Reek Of Cologne
IROC Idiots Ride Of Choice
IROC Italian Retard Out Cruisin'
JAGUAR Jerks Are Giving Unasked Advice Regularly
JAGUAR Jesus! Another Ghastly, Unbelievably Annoying Repair
JAGUAR Junk Always Going Under At Repair shop
JAGUAR Just Another Gearbox Under Annual Repair
JEEP Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
JEEP Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole
JEEP Jumps Everything Ever Parked
JEEP Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
JEEP Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
JEEP Junk Everyone Eagerly Purchases
JEEP Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
JEEP Just Eats Every Part
JEEP Just Empty Every Pocket
JEEP JUST Enough Engine Power?
JEEP Just Enough Essential Parts
JEEP Just Expect Endless Problems
JEEP Just Expect Excessive Problems

[unclescott58]

Anything past the Js? Wow what a list. Some good. Many bad. Several repeats. Tough to get through.

Edited July 29, 2016 by unclescott58

[unclescott58]

Why would the Teddy Bear not eat his dinner?

 

Because he was already stuffed.

[JollySipper]

A Klondike bar would do anything for Chuck Norris.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

When the Boogey Man goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Waldo is hiding from Chuck Norris.

NASA cannot find life on Mars because Chuck Norris has already been there.

When he sticks his hand in water, he doesn't get wet..... The water gets Chuck Norris.

Yea, the Chuck Norris "facts" are corny, I like them though................. 

[Harry P.]

Technically these aren't jokes, but they're pretty clever. Some "Deep Thoughts," by Jack Handey...

Whenever I put money in the bank, and then later I take it out, I always wonder if it's really my money I'm getting back. Has anyone ever checked into this?

 

One time a cop pulled me over for speeding, and when he asked for my license I just laughed, because my license was expired. Ha ha! Joke's on you, officer! But he didn't get it.

 

If all the people that ride the bus to work every day would just drive their car instead, just think how many buses we could save! Man, those bus riders sure are wasteful.

 

Why do some people seem to enjoy staring at the face of adversity? I'm not sure. Maybe the face of adversity looks like Christie Brinkley.

 

I don't like to see really scary movies at the theater, because afterwards, when I go to bed, I can't sleep because I keep thinking, "Man! That popcorn cost me $5.75!"

 

I think that sitting on the couch and watching TV is a great way to spend an evening, unless I was KIng of the World. Then I would sit on my throne and watch TV.

 

If the lion is the king of beasts, what about the giraffe? Probably too tall to run for office.

 

Abe Lincoln sure was a great president, but I bet he wouldn't last five minutes as a surfer dude.

 

If you can't sleep at night, try this: close your eyes and lie still. Pretty good tip, huh?

 

Whenever someone uses the phrase "same difference," I feel like I could scream. But I don't, because I could care less…

 

Have you ever noticed that when you find something that you lost, you always find it in the last place you look? Why not look there first and save yourself some time?

 

Instead of a welcome mat, why not a "Go away, don't bother me" mat? It's not as friendly, but hey, at least it's honest.

[JollySipper]

Harry, you've probably heard this....... Billy Joel was giving an interview once and someone asked him 'what's it like being married to Cindy Crawford?'

Billy Joel says " I'm not, I'm married to Cristie Brinkley."

The guy says "yea, you wish!"

[TonyK]

Would the answer to the riddle be "Woodstock"?

[Mike_G]

 I stepped out of the shower and caught my wife dressing me with her eyes

[unclescott58]

Riddle:

What famous event happened 47 years ago today, where you could go to it with your father,leave with your mother, 

and never know your father?

I don't get it. Even after seeing the answer. I do understand the part about Woodstock happening 47 years ago. But, the father, mother thing, I don't get?

 

[oldnslow]

They had sex at Woodstock , she left pregnant.

[unclescott58]

Okay it took me a while, but I now get the Woodstock "riddle" above. You came as sperm in your father. Left as a fertilized egg with your mother. I wouldn't count it as a "corny joke." And it's a little bit in bad taste.

 

Edited September 1, 2016 by unclescott58

[Draggon]

Fiesta ( with powershift  transmission )

Ford Isnt Ever Solving Transmission Abnormalities

[unclescott58]

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do men consider housecleaning? Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them.

How does a man change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows - we've never seen it done!

 

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think - in a deep voice.

 

[unclescott58]

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."

[unclescott58]

Why did the hamburger go to the gym?

 

So he could get better buns.

 

[JollySipper]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm........... 

[JollySipper]

Well, ThanksGiving is upon us, so I thought I would go out and shoot my first turkey.......

You should have seen the looks on the faces of the people in the frozen foods section!  

[unclescott58]

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

 

Tentacles. (Ten-tickles)

 

 

Edited November 18, 2016 by unclescott58

[iamsuperdan]

I went to a zoo once.

It only had one animal.

A single, lone dog.

It was a Shitzhu.

 

 

[Fifer]

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It
was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're
waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi
driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the
truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The
little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His
mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few
minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens
to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
 

[unclescott58]

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

 

Because the cows have the utter.

R. Scott Aho

 

[unclescott58]

Why do cows have hooves rather than feet?

 

Because they lactose.

R. Scott Aho