some corny jokes

[unclescott58]

9 hours ago, oldnslow said:

What did the Mama cow say to the little cows that stayed up too late ?

 

" Isn't it pasture bed time ? "

Another good one. ?

[Dave Ambrose]

Thanks, y’all. I for one, have been enjoying the jokes. 

 

[oldnslow]

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ?

because the lactose !

 

why did the Mexican take Xanax ?

for hispanic attacks !

[unclescott58]

What do call a snake wearing a hard hat? 

A boa constructor. 

[oldnslow]

Did you know that the first french fries weren't cooked in France ?

No , where were they cooked then ?

In Greece .

[JollySipper]

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?

[unclescott58]

A telescope turned up in our lost and found box. 

We don't know who it belongs to, but we're looking it up. 

[unclescott58]

How do you keep bacon from curling in your pan? 

You take away their little brooms. 

Edited May 7, 2019 by unclescott58

[unclescott58]

I'm not a big fan of nesting dolls. 

Theyre so full of themselves. 

[Toner283]

What do you call an electrical apprentice?

A shock absorber

[Bucky]

Edited May 20, 2019 by Bucky

[TarheelRick]

Have you ever seen a Himalayan opossum?  Him -a - laying across the yellow line and he's dead.

[oldnslow]

What do you call a cow that just gave birth ? 

 

Decalfinated

[Classicgas]

I got really upset. I found out they weren't gonna make yardsticks any longer.

i forgot how to throw a boomerang. Then it came back to me.

[iamsuperdan]

Last night, someone broke in to my house and stole every single lamp.

 

I was delighted.

 

 

[iamsuperdan]

Last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me.

Don’t worry I’ll recover

[iamsuperdan]

19 and 20 had a serious fight

21

[iamsuperdan]

I was just looking at my ceiling.

Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.

[iamsuperdan]

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

[Kit Basher]

4 hours ago, iamsuperdan said:

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

That one took me a second to figure out, but I like it.

[JollySipper]

Why was 6 afraid of 7?   Because 7 8 9.............

Last night I dreamed I ate a Huge marshmallow....... when I woke up my pillow was gone!

[iamsuperdan]

9/11 jokes aren't funny.

The other two are, though.

[iamsuperdan]

I've never understood jokes about school shootings.

 

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

 

 

[iamsuperdan]

My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

So I sent him a “get well soon” card.

 

 

 

A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic paintings of Chevy trucks.

He’s a pickup artist.

 

 

 

How Long is a Chinese name.

 

 

Why did the Mexican take some Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

 

 

 

What did mozart do after 1791?

Decompose

 

 

A frog walked into a bank...

... and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".

 

[iamsuperdan]

All these dad jokes in one place. It's a dadabase.