W Humble Posted September 14, 2022 Posted September 14, 2022 From a very old magazine: Guy in a jalopy drives up to a toll booth, and the collector leans out and says "Fifty cents!" Guy says "Make it a buck and I'll throw in the tool kit!" Schmock, schmock! Wick 1
Raoul Ross Posted September 14, 2022 Posted September 14, 2022 (edited) I remember one from another old magazine... (I don't think it was Boys Life, heh) The Wife is sick and tired of mowing the lawn with an old rickety push-type lawn mower and asks The Husband to buy her a new rider, which he refuses. The next day The Husband comes home to see The Wife on her hands and knees cutting the lawn with a pair of scissors. He looks at her for a bit, goes into the house and comes out with a toothbrush, throws it at her and says... "When you're done with the lawn, sweep the sidewalk" Edited September 14, 2022 by Raoul Ross
Rodent Posted September 14, 2022 Posted September 14, 2022 8 hours ago, TonyK said: I would say our female dog does more licking in that area than our male dog. Don't know if that falls into the "laugh" category or "crass" category but just thought I'd throw it out there. Ugh. When I was 14, my parents and I went to northern Alabama to visit my dad's family. It was a bit of a culture shock for me, but fun. My grandmother had a 20-30 pound mutt. One afternoon, there were maybe 10-12 of us sitting on her porch, and the dog walked up from the yard, flopped down, and proceeded to "do that" and seemed to enjoy having an audience. Everyone was watching in silent polite horror. My slightly younger cousin Greg suddenly blurted out, "Steve, did you teach him that trick?" Of course, I was mortified. 1
NOBLNG Posted September 14, 2022 Posted September 14, 2022 (edited) 8 hours ago, Rodent said: My slightly younger cousin Greg suddenly blurted out, "Steve, did you teach him that trick?" Of course, I was mortified. It’s a good thing most humans aren’t flexible enough to do that….it’s bad enough what you might see on public transportation these days.? Edited September 14, 2022 by NOBLNG 1
Raoul Ross Posted September 17, 2022 Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) ... and this is your grandson, A.B. Skywalker! lol Edited September 17, 2022 by Raoul Ross
Raoul Ross Posted September 17, 2022 Posted September 17, 2022 (edited) A car in front of me kicked up a cone he'd hit. I was waiting for it to hit my windshield but it did this instead! Reminded me of this... Edited September 17, 2022 by Raoul Ross 2
Ace-Garageguy Posted September 17, 2022 Author Posted September 17, 2022 ...one seriously smokin' Olds. 1
Raoul Ross Posted September 18, 2022 Posted September 18, 2022 Florida residents will get this... Ha!
Oldcarfan27 Posted September 18, 2022 Posted September 18, 2022 6 hours ago, Raoul Ross said: Put a silly hat on it and it looks like it's ready for a party! 1
iamsuperdan Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 I miss Mitch Hedburg. My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What's really going on down there? Who is the real hero? I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience." I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was a paperboy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or two dumpsters. I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that. One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. I order the club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it. I have no problem not listening to The Temptations, which is weird. I got a king size bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he would be comfortable I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
W Humble Posted September 19, 2022 Posted September 19, 2022 A bad day: "You know it's going to be a bad day when you're driving behind a bunch of motorcycle outlaws, and your horn sticks...!"
JollySipper Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 1 hour ago, iamsuperdan said: One time a guy handed me a picture, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. That's too funny!
Snake45 Posted September 20, 2022 Posted September 20, 2022 21 hours ago, iamsuperdan said: I miss Mitch Hedburg. Two of my favorite Hedburgs: 1. Catch and release fishing is stupid. All you have done is annoy a fish and make it late for something. "Where have you been?" "I got caught." "Liar! Let me see your lip!" 2. I don't have a cell phone. People say, "But what if someone needs to get in touch with you?" Simple, I just hang out with everyone I know. If someone wants to get in touch with me, they say "Hey, Mitch!" And I turn my head slightly and say "What?" 1
Snake45 Posted September 21, 2022 Posted September 21, 2022 On 9/19/2022 at 6:47 PM, iamsuperdan said: I miss Mitch Hedburg. See if you can check out a comedian named Sheng Wang. New special on Netflix this month. More than once he reminded me of Mitch Hedberg. Apparently I'm not the only one. See the last line in his Wiki writeup: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheng_Wang
Oldcarfan27 Posted September 22, 2022 Posted September 22, 2022 (edited) On 9/19/2022 at 1:42 PM, Raoul Ross said: I don't think they're on the same team... heh Sure they are, they've got the same hand signals! I think he's saying "1 lap to go!" Or maybe "You're in first place!" ? Edited September 22, 2022 by Oldcarfan27
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