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How about a laugh?

Ace-Garageguy

By Ace-Garageguy
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  • 2 weeks later...
Ace-Garageguy MCM Ohana

Ace-Garageguy

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My Favorite Animal:
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now.... 

Edited by Ace-Garageguy
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stitchdup MCM Ohana

stitchdup

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Since its august we are getting a fair amount of fog due to being on the coast and the ground being warm. Most mornings when i'm getting off the boat I've been telling tourists that the fog will clear between half past eight and half past nine when the council remebner to turn the windmills backs on. 9 times out of 10 they seem to believe it, but what they dont know is theres a regular breeze that blows in the mornings. I'd love to hear what they tell their friends when they get home.

Another thing I tell them is to do with a local tradition for brides and grooms which we call a blackening and is derived from an old viking tradition that involves the bride and grooms friends covering them in sticky foodstuffs such as mollasses and treacle along with feathers and stuff to get them in a complete mess tied to the market cross for a time. This is done as part of the stag and hen night these days and part of it is being paraded around the shopping area on the back of a pick up. For this I've been telling tourists that its a punishment from the court for petty crimes like tickling goldfish on a sunday, or wearing a blue hat on a sunny day and other nonsense laws i tend to make up on the spot.

I've also being thinkig about setting up hunts for the fictional animal haggis on a local peat hill but that might get me arrested for fraud, lol

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Ace-Garageguy MCM Ohana

Ace-Garageguy

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17 minutes ago, stitchdup said:

...I've also being thinkig about setting up hunts for the fictional animal haggis on a local peat hill...

Ach laddie, I well rrrememberrr those haggis hunts overrr the Highlands in my youth. A wily, crrrafty wee beastie is a haggis...  ;)

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stitchdup MCM Ohana

stitchdup

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5 minutes ago, Ace-Garageguy said:

Ach laddie, I well rrrememberrr those haggis hunts overrr the Highlands in my youth. A wily, crrrafty wee beastie is a haggis...  ;)

they're only hard tae kaitch cos yon legs on tither side i'r shorter yon tae idder tae run across yon glens but iv ye mind yer chettlings hids nae say flid

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Snake45 MCM Ohana

Snake45

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30 minutes ago, stitchdup said:

For this I've been telling tourists that its a punishment from the court for petty crimes like tickling goldfish on a sunday, or wearing a blue hat on a sunny day and other nonsense laws i tend to make up on the spot.

Here's a fun crime for you to use: Mopery with Intent to Drungle. :lol:

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iamsuperdan MCM Ohana

iamsuperdan

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A man walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots of whiskey.

The bartender looks toward the door, expecting to see 11 more folks walk through the door. That doesn't happen.

"C'mon, man! I don't have all day!' exclaims the customer.

The bartender dutifully pours out 12 shots of tequila. Just as he's pouring the last one, the customer begins slamming the shots, one after the other, in rapid succession.

"Whoa, buddy, whoa! Slow down! You'll make yourself sick!" the bartender says.

"You'd be drinking fast and furiously too if you had what I have!" the customer retorts, then goes back to slamming the shots.

"Oh my God! What do you have?"

"Seventy-five cents to my name."

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Oldcarfan27 MCM Ohana

Oldcarfan27

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On 8/17/2022 at 9:54 AM, stitchdup said:

Since its august we are getting a fair amount of fog due to being on the coast and the ground being warm. Most mornings when i'm getting off the boat I've been telling tourists that the fog will clear between half past eight and half past nine when the council remebner to turn the windmills backs on. 9 times out of 10 they seem to believe it, but what they dont know is theres a regular breeze that blows in the mornings. I'd love to hear what they tell their friends when they get home.

Another thing I tell them is to do with a local tradition for brides and grooms which we call a blackening and is derived from an old viking tradition that involves the bride and grooms friends covering them in sticky foodstuffs such as mollasses and treacle along with feathers and stuff to get them in a complete mess tied to the market cross for a time. This is done as part of the stag and hen night these days and part of it is being paraded around the shopping area on the back of a pick up. For this I've been telling tourists that its a punishment from the court for petty crimes like tickling goldfish on a sunday, or wearing a blue hat on a sunny day and other nonsense laws i tend to make up on the spot.

I've also being thinkig about setting up hunts for the fictional animal haggis on a local peat hill but that might get me arrested for fraud, lol

 If this is true and you really do make up this stuff to tell people, I'd love to be hanging around with you when you go to town.

I'd be laughing my head off!! 😂

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