Golf etiquette/honesty

[tbill]

I’m sure a lot of you guys play golf, I started 2 years ago. Here is my story/dilemma, the guy that got me hooked on it is my daughters father in law, he invited me out one day, we played, I was hooked, that was in July 2 years ago. So, come the next spring, thru talking with other friends, I was asked to join a league, I wanted to do it for the playing time, the practice, learning the game, and to meet new people. Well, I also needed a partner, so due to proximity and other forces, I asked my daughters father in law if he was interested, he was, and we became a team.  The first season went as expected, we whacked and hacked our way thru the season, we both played on the same level( horrible), but had a lot of fun doing it. He’s been playing for 2 years longer than I, and outside of league, we played a lot, as I learned the rules of the game, I became a little more diligent in score keeping. Outside of league early on, we wouldn’t count drops and sometimes would just say  mulligan on a horrible shot. Well, fast forward a year, same league, same weekend play, but I’ve noticed in both, that his math sufferers, he doesn’t count drops, in league if the other guys aren’t paying attention, he doesn’t count strokes, and I’ve come to think/see when he is ‘given’ a ‘good enough’ put, it doesn’t count as a stroke in his eyes. On weekends when a group of us plays, I hear the same stuff from the other two players, ‘man, he can’t count’. I’m of the line of thinking, if ya shoot a 15 on a hole, ya shot a 15, own it, and figure out how to fix it, it’s about honor, and being truthful , no matter what the outcome. 

My dilemma is, he’s family, we play a lot of golf together, but his math, and the way he acts about his scores are killing me, I wanna say something, but don’t want to create a rift in the family .

 

thoughts? Or should I just outright call him on it, and let the ball roll where it will?

 

and ya, it seems petty, but it drives me nuts when you play a game and can’t be honest about it.

just had to rant a little about this....., thanks for reading .

[SfanGoch]

29 minutes ago, tbill said:

I’m sure a lot of you guys play golf

Good thing you didn't lay any money on that one. I'm 58 and still play stickball.  

Nothing is worse than a guy who fudges his score except a guy who's doing it and is your golf partner. It's evident that other players notice this; and, you're going to be guilty by association because you're not calling him on it. Never let family get in the way of money matters or maintaining your integrity or good reputation among your peers.

Edited July 7, 2018 by SfanGoch

[Tom Geiger]

Offer to keep score!   

[Belugawrx]

There are millions of us, waiting to fill a foursome..

 

[BeakDoc]

I’ve been avidly playing this silly game for 15 years (and still no stranger to the occasional Mulligan). Philosophically speaking, fudging the score hurts himself more than his counterparts. How will he know if he’s improving if he keeps an inaccurate score? Is there even any motivation to improve if he feels he can manipulate the scorecard? I feel he’s mostly cheating himself until league play or skins are in the equation. In that scenario, I feel like he should be confronted, tactfully and respectfully. Unfortunately, we are still judged by the company we keep. That’s my 2 cents anyways.

[D. Battista]

Well Said ...!

7 hours ago, BeakDoc said:

........ How will he know if he’s improving if he keeps an inaccurate score? Is there even any motivation to improve if he feels he can manipulate the scorecard? ....

 

[tbill]

Thanks for the comments guys. Luckily, the leauge we play in is more a social league than a ‘money’ leauge. Thank goodness he doesn’t participate in skins, that would really cause an issue. I’ve had the conversation with other friends about the ‘how can ya tell if you’re improving if you fudge your scores’ in regards to this guy, and, if he shanks one in the woods, he’s in there for 10 minutes ball hunting. It’s funny/sad, cause I’m playing tomorrow with another buddy ( who can count), and he’s like, ‘ he isn’t going is he?’. I know I have to say something to him about this, just gotta find a way to do it. I’m half tempted at next leauge night to just say, dude, score correct from here on in, or I’m out. And to give you an idea of what I’m talking about, 3 weeks ago and prior, he’s shooting 55-65 for 9, all of a sudden he’s in the mid 40’s for 9, boggles the mind......

 

I’ll update this during the week after our league night, I just gotta say something cause the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.

thanks again for reading.

[Snake45]

If someone would lie and cheat about something trivial and meaningless like golf, does that mean he or she is more or less likely to lie and cheat about something that actually matters? 

[1930fordpickup]

2 hours ago, Snake45 said:

If someone would lie and cheat about something trivial and meaningless like golf, does that mean he or she is more or less likely to lie and cheat about something that actually matters? 

I agree. 

[espo]

Hard call on dealing with your daughter's Father in Law, but it does need to be done. I think if you're hearing others remark on his score keeping then you really don't want to hear what they are saying when you can't hear them. Some of those remarks may have been made in hopes that you could correct his conduct. I can see how a group of people could assign guilt by association because of your relationship. A suggestion would be 1. get lessons to help with your scores. 2. Whisper in the instructors ear to go over score keeping. If all else fails you need to call him out in private about keeping score correctly. No one likes a cheater.   

[bobthehobbyguy]

Instead of directly saying that he is cheating I would say that his inaccurate counting can appear to some as cheating.  And that you are sure that it is not his intention.  This gives him a way to save face but for you to make him aware that his counting is becoming an issue. Just a thought.

[D. Battista]

12 hours ago, Snake45 said:

If someone would lie and cheat about something trivial and meaningless like golf, does that mean he or she is more or less likely to lie and cheat about something that actually matters? 

 I see your point .. but

Is your hobby trivial and meanigless?                 I wouldn't think so ....

[SfanGoch]

In the bigger scheme of things, yes.

[cowboy rich]

13 hours ago, Snake45 said:

If someone would lie and cheat about something trivial and meaningless like golf, does that mean he or she is more or less likely to lie and cheat about something that actually matters? 

I agree with this, I dont golf but cheating is just that, and I don't care if it's a money game or just the wife and I having fun with penny poker. Cheating is cheating. 

[Snake45]

1 hour ago, SfanGoch said:

In the bigger scheme of things, yes.

Absolutely right. In fact, I've recently come to recognize that I spend so much time and thought and energy on my stupid hobbies so I won't have to think or worry about the BIG problems in the world. 

[Ace-Garageguy]

On 7/6/2018 at 7:45 PM, tbill said:

... it’s about honor, and being truthful , no matter what the outcome...

Sadly, for the state of civilization, a great many people think this is a silly, old-fashioned and outdated idea.

As far as I'm concerned, a lie is a lie. A cheat is a cheat. There is no gray area.

[SfanGoch]

14 minutes ago, Ace-Garageguy said:

There is no gray area.

Only if you're W.C. Fields

 

[afx]

Before you tee off review the rules you are going to play under for the day.  Beginning golfers often play mulligans, preferred lies etc.  With the rules established If he reports a lower than actual score on the just completed hole, walk him through his strokes to help him see his true score.  Do this a few times and if he continues to cheat I would stop keeping score or stop playing golf with him.  

Another strategy: play dump ask as one or your playing partners to explain a "gimmie put" and how they work.

Watch rules videos so you know what the penalty is for say a ball in a water hazard and then explain the rule in conversation during the round.  "Did you know" sort of thing. 

If you do or say nothing he will only continue to cheat and your enjoyment of the game will continue to suffer.

Edited July 8, 2018 by afx

[cowboy rich]

3 hours ago, Ace-Garageguy said:

Sadly, for the state of civilization, a great many people think this is a silly, old-fashioned and outdated idea.

As far as I'm concerned, a lie is a lie. A cheat is a cheat. There is no gray area.

100% agree

[bobthehobbyguy]

It used to be a mans word meant something was the rule rather than the exception.  More telling is we live in an age where some claim there are alternate facts.  A very sad commentary on the world. Unfortunately I see things getting a lot worse before that get better.

[Twokidsnosleep]

On July 7, 2018 at 8:43 PM, 1930fordpickup said:

I agree. 

A game of golf shows a person's true personality and integrity...often the ugly side of both

[SfanGoch]

19 minutes ago, bobthehobbyguy said:

alternate facts

Euphemism for lies.

[afx]

I posted a story about our fearless leader's golf game and score keeping but it was deleted. 

[SfanGoch]

[Twokidsnosleep]

24 minutes ago, afx said:

I posted a story about our fearless leader's golf game and score keeping but it was deleted. 

Too political most likely

I got a chance to read it and it amazingly supported exactly what I wrote above...to a T!!!